Wellness Wednesday: On Making Changes and Earth Shattering Realizations!

I’m coming into this post in a  very vulnerable state of mind. I’ve started and un-started it about 5 times. But, I feel confident that this is a stepping stone, a piece of the puzzle that I’ll need in order to reach my goals. So, here goes.

I’m changing my diet. I’m going to be working REALLY hard to cut out all of the yuck and bring in lots more of the good. I’ll be following the P.I.N.K method because they make it seem simple and it’s seriously healthy. I’ll be following strict eating plans and specific work out regimens. I’m uncomfortable with calling it a diet. Mainly because I think diet implies temporary and that’s not my goal at all. My goal is to change the way I eat and look at food completely. To create a more active lifestyle for myself and to probably lose weight in that process.

Well, that’s how I talk about it. But, the truth is, I’ve been ‘eating healthy’ for years. I’m not a crazy eater {except for one week out of the month} but, I can’t help but feel like I must be doing something wrong. Reading through the P.I.N.K method, I realized that I’m cutting out a lot of things that I usually eat. Ding ding ding! Those are what I must be doing wrong. lol Simple enough right?

Ultimately, my goal is to be able to wear whatever clothes I want without being uncomfortable in my skin, to enjoy a long hike, to know that I’m putting good things into my body, and to have control over my lifestyle.

Now, as I type this, I feel like I’m being untrue to myself. Here’s why: I’m comfortable in my skin-most of the time. I’m happy with the way I look and I have more energy than I know what to do with. It’s something that I’ve worked towards for years, being content with the way I look. That’s not something anyone is born with. To give up that comfort is pretty darn scary. To say that I want to change myself in any way is earth shattering to the confidence I’ve acquired over the years. However, I believe there has to be a balance. Yes, I am content with myself. But, I want to see the possibilities. I want to push my body and my mind to the limit and see what I could accomplish.

There are two reasons that I haven’t committed to anything like this:

1. I’m not a quitter. 

I don’t want to quit anything I start. It’s a trait that I’ve tackled over the years and I feel like I’ve gotten it down. However, because I don’t want to quit, a lot of times I won’t start things if I think I can’t finish them. I’d rather leave them in the hands of whoever can complete them until I feel prepared to take them on. Therefore, with this new plan of mine, I was so scared that I wouldn’t succeed so I just wouldn’t start.

2. Skinny people who eat badly.

yep. It’s just frustrating to watch. So many skinny folks can just eat whatever they want and it’s endearing. Think about a hot girl eating a hamburger-it’s cute, sexy even. Then, think of a robust gal doing the same… exactly. I’ve eaten healthy for so long, but, I wouldn’t restrict myself because it just doesn’t feel fair. Why should I have to work so hard at my diet when naturally skinny people can eat whatever they want.

When I began to analyze these they started to look silly. I realized that if I make a decision not to quit, then I won’t. If I set up boundaries and allow a bit of freedom for myself than I’m ok. That’s why I’m blogging-for accountability. I’m also allowing myself one free meal a week to enjoy new foods and try a new restaurant. I also realized that I can’t pay attention to what others are doing. If that skinny girl wants to eat herself into an early grave that’s her choice. She may be cute doing it, but, she’s wreaking the same havoc on her body that a heavier person would. I can’t allow her to control my decisions. period.

So, here we go. Like every good diet, I’m starting on Monday. {We grocery shop on Sundays} I’ll primarily be blogging every Wednesday about my progress, sharing photos of my meals for accountability, and trying my hardest to be genuine about the struggles I’m having internally.

I hope this doesn’t turn any of you off of the blog on Wednesdays, but, it something that will be a huge part of my life from here on out I suppose.

 

with love and change,

Sarajane.

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Wellness Wednesday

5 responses to “Wellness Wednesday: On Making Changes and Earth Shattering Realizations!

  1. lady,
    i am totally with you in this. i have struggled a lot lately about how this whole thing works, how to be healthy at every size and also know that i would love being thinner. i’d love to learn more about your journey and maybe we can hold each other accountable 🙂 tell me more about this P.I.N.K diet.

  2. Sarajane, I am proud of you for choosing a better life for yourself. I have had similar struggles. Being a pretty good eater and exerciser but still not having full control over my weight has been a challenge for me all my life. I thought I was doing all the right things, but ultimately I was following patterns that had led my dad to type II diabetes. It wasn’t until a friend of mine got gestational diabetes during her pregnancy and broke down to me what a carbohydrate was that I realized where my problem had been. Since then, I’ve started eating like a diabetic should and I lost 2 pant sizes without even killing myself in the gym. I am less hungry and feel a lot better, and I realize that the sacrifices will give me a better life. I am proud of you for taking control. Stay motivated and focused. You will be so glad you did!

  3. Me too, me too! I will be right with you all the way! Type II Diabetes is such a big threat to us hefty beauties.

  4. Amanda

    Sarajane, please know that you are not alone! I have the same two basic struggles… All of my best friends are skinny and most of them eat worse than I do! The thing I tell myself to stop myself from comparing is- you are not responsible for them, only for yourself. At the end of the day, it’s not their fault. Also, I think you are right in your thinking and believing your size is perfectly loved and accepted. I think women get health confused with beauty and they’re two separate things. You can eat healthy for all the right reasons and you’re not saying to everyone by doing that that you don’t love and accept your body. Your doing it to feel physically better, enjoy clothes, enjoy physical activities etc. your not changing your belief in yourself by eating healthy! In fact you’re empowering yourself. Your not using discipline to admit you were wrong in accepting your size, your doing it to love yourself EVEN more, by prolonging your life and activities in your life. It’s a win win. Go for it girl, I’ll support you all the way because I’m right there with you! Xoxo

  5. Christen Naish

    SJ I’m so proud of you! What a hard decision to make. I’ve been there. Changing your relationship with food is not easy, but I know you’ll succeed. Set daily goals and reward yourself! I’m really looking forward to reading about this journey and supporting you along the way. I never would have been able to make a lifestyle change without the support of friends and family who cared about my health, not my pant size. I know reading your blogs will be a support to me and a lot of other people too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s